Had a rough start of the year at the tables but still I managend to make some money so thats fine. Im happy so far with my 'new lifestyle' which contains going to the gym three times a week and be awake before a certain time what makes me feel more balanced.
During my downswing last month I once again totally lost confindence in my ability to beat the games. It doesn't matter how much money I won on a consistent basis I still feel like I'm the worst player on the planet during a huge downswing. I really don't care about loosing some money but its the fact that you totally feel like you have no chance to win or come even close.
But after all I realize that poker doesn't owe me anything and that poker brought me so much over de last 2-3 years.
I wanted to share a great post from jimmyvjv13 at 2+2.
This is the most toxic type of thinking in poker. Thinking about what you "should" have is both disastrous for your game and downright stupid. I lost AK to A7 AIPF at the final table of the nightly 100k this weekend for the chiplead. SHOULD I have won $23,000 that night? No, that's what first place got paid and I didn't get first.
Poker doesn't owe you anything. You play the game and you get the cards you're dealt. It's as simple as that. Every hand is a statistically independent event. Yes in the long run luck should even out but the cards have no memory and the fact that you have lost 100 straight all ins doesn't mean you're any more or less of a favorite in your next all in.
For those of you b*tching and moaning about EV just stop looknig at it. It is a number that will simply piss you off. You don't need all in EV to have an accurate representation of whether or not you're playing well. Any person that plays enough to get SNE knows whether they're playing well regardless. And as far as looking at it to "see how much i should be up" is just going to piss you off. Who cares about how much you SHOULD be up? Just because you are $X under EV over 100k hands that you will be up $X over the next 100k, or even a million hands. You may never get it back. The fact of the matter is EV is completely unnecessary and looking at it not only pointless but also detremental to your game.
Live in the moment
Focus on the hand you're playing
Make Supernova Elite
EZ game? No. Profitable if you can fake it most of the way? Yes
Funny hand where I got owned by a fish:
PokerStars Game #39407768276: Tournament #240752111, $220+$10 USD Hold'em No Limit - Match Round I, Level IV (50/100) - 2010/02/08 4:55:40 CET [2010/02/07 22:55:40 ET]
Table '240752111 1' 2-max Seat #2 is the button
Seat 1: VA_Raptor (1340 in chips)
Seat 2: diBasio (1660 in chips)
diBasio: posts small blind 50
VA_Raptor: posts big blind 100
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to diBasio [3d Kh]
diBasio: calls 50
*** FLOP *** [6c 5s Jc]
diBasio: bets 100
VA_Raptor: calls 100
*** TURN *** [6c 5s Jc] [As]
diBasio: bets 300
VA_Raptor: calls 300
*** RIVER *** [6c 5s Jc As] [Ad]
diBasio: bets 1160 and is all-in
VA_Raptor: calls 840 and is all-in
Uncalled bet (320) returned to diBasio
*** SHOW DOWN ***
diBasio: shows [3d Kh] (a pair of Aces)
VA_Raptor: shows [Ks 9s] (a pair of Aces - King+Jack+Nine kicker)
VA_Raptor collected 2680 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2680 | Rake 0
Board [6c 5s Jc As Ad]
Seat 1: VA_Raptor (big blind) showed [Ks 9s] and won (2680) with a pair of Aces
Seat 2: diBasio (button) (small blind) showed [3d Kh] and lost with a pair of Aces